What do garden tables and wet feet have in common?

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Around this time of year, a lot of people’s thoughts turn to Black Friday bargains and what new stuff they can get.

But my thoughts turned to Captain Vines and his lament about how only the rich could afford boots that lasted a long time and how that made the cheap boots more expensive but still left his feet wet

The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.

This was the Captain Samuel Vimes ‘Boots’ theory of socioeconomic unfairness.

Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

My thought was this also applies to garden furniture. When we had cheap plastic furniture, it eventually got brittle in the sun and cracked. So it only last a couple of years. A few years back we bought some higher quality wooden furniture. This still deteriorates with the weather but at least we can do something about it.

Garden Furniture Maintenance

So before I packed the furniture away for the winter, I stripped it back and re-oiled it. There was nothing to repair this year but bolts and slats are easily replaced if needed.

The first step was to sand back the blistered old coating, dirt and mould that has built up over the last few years. Note that this is an easier job if you do it more often. Here’s a before and after. I used a little mouse sander for this but you could use a simple block and paper if you don’t have an electric sander.

Next up was to use some methylated spirits and a rag to wipe it down. This removes any loose dust and opens up the wood grain to accept the oil.

Finally rub in the teak oil, working it along the grain. Let it dry a little and put on a second coat. You will likely find it goes paler when it dries with the darker streaks turning silvery.

Twisted firestarter

The rags you use for the teak oil can self ignite if you leave them out to dry. That’s one of the reasons I do this job at this time of year as the damp air will reduce the chances of this happening. I’ve never seen a rag ignite by itself but I have seen some methylated spirits left in a hot metal container burst into flames and that was pretty alarming. So I let the rags dry out over several days before discarding them.

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

Terry Pratchett, Jingo

Choose repair

For a set of 4 chairs and a table, I used 1/4 bottle of methylated spirits and 1/2 can of teak oil which I opened last year. Neither go off but best to be sensible about where you store them, see above warnings.

Estimated cost around £5 for which I’ll get another year out of the garden furniture.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t look out for bargains in the sales. But perhaps spend a bit of time to see how what you buy can be repaired and maintained so that it lasts longer than Captain Grimes’ boots.



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